The Big Crazy Plan

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Act 1

My name is Jim McPherson. I worked for one of those huge corperations that control practically everything if ya know what I mean. It was my first full day at my new office-job. I was busy typing away when much to my surprise, Big Carl walked in. Big Carl was the corperation's majority owner. I had heard about him but never thought I'd see him, much less see him in my new office.

"So you're Jim eh?" I remember Big Carl asking me. "Listen Jimbo, I want to give you opertunity of a friggin' lifetime...So uh, follow me." Carl countined.

Carl and I walked down the busy hallway and heard gasps and whispers like, "Is that the Big C?" and "Big Carl??? what's he doing with the new guy?"

We reached his office, it was big, with wide glass windows, and a pecuilarly out-of-place bookshelf on one of the sides of the rooms that didn't have any windows. Carl sat down in his chair behind his sleek and uncluttered desk. He paused for a moment before saying, "Jimbo, I, would like for you to come over to my place tomorrow. After dinner...There's a...some important...bussiness I would like to discuss with you."

Tomorrow?, I thought, today is Friday so at least that'll give me all day to prepare. While I was busy thinking Big Carl said in a cheerful but concerned voice, "That is all...Oh, and Jimbo, I think you should take the rest of the day off."

I went home and started to ponder what in the hell was Big Carl getting at. He wasn't a prevert or anything, he had a wife and one kid. Then there was that damn bookshelf. Something in the back of my mind was screaming at me to go and check it out. The night and Saturday Afternoon seemed to race by and soon I found myself driving up to Big Carl's mansion in my finest clothes.

I rang the doorbell and Big Carl himself answered the door. (I was expecting a butler or a maid.) Carl seemed overjoyed that I showed up. He said in an excited tone, "I'm glad you could make it! There's something I need to dicuss and show you."

Carl showed to his high-class living room and we both sat down very comfy chairs on opposite sides of the room. "Sorry this was so sudden. You see I was limted on when I could do this sence my wife and son have to gone for this. Now, here's what I want'ed to talk to you about, How do you feel about Robots, Jimbo?"

I was confused, the corperation was in the television industry not the Technology industry. We couldn't compete with Sony or anybody. I decied not to show me true feelings and to just ask questions, "Well what kind of robots are you speaking of?"

"I am speakings of robots that are to realistic that you can't tell the differance between them and real humans. I am speaking of robots that are so advanced that they could, without the proper restraints, take over the world. I am speakings of robots of genius!!!"

"He's gone crazy." was my only thought. Carl couinted, "Sorry if I got a little cared away, Jimbo, here let me just show you something." Carl got of the couch and I followed him to a large room with nothing in it but a Bookshelf! "Look in here" Carl said as he pulled away a book. The Bookshelf opened to reveal a GINORMOUS factory-like room.

Carl walked in and I followed him to one of a few hunderd cold, metal lab tables. On the table was a woman who at first might be asleep, but I realized that her arms and legs were to stiff and straight for her to be asleep. She was an attractive woman, fair skin, Jet black hair, and she wearing somesort of strange skin tight purple suit. I then thought that she was dead. "You killed her?!?" I yelled in shock at Carl. "No, No, No Carl I haven't killed anybody yet, that woman there is a prototype robot I want the corperation to produce."

Act 2

I stood there and looked at the woman lying on the table, I couldn't believe she was a robot. Carl said, "Look, I'm going to let you test her out for a week. I'll need a full five-page report on it by next week though, think you're up to it?"

I was still staring at the women and didn't hear the part about the five page report when I answered, "Wha? Oh, yea...sure I"m up for it." "Good. Now let me tell you something this robot here, its built to be ultra-realistic. So don't think of her as a sex toy, think of her as a room mate, a human. I'm going to go get her ready, if she gets out of control because of a glitch or something then use this." Carl handed me a remote control and pushed the table into a another room within the giant room behind the bookself and closed the door.

I looked over the remote there was two big buttons on it, "ON" and "OFF" along with other smaller buttons that seemed to be for programming actions into the robot. Then Carl returned with the robot walking behind him, she was now wearing a bussiness suit with matching mini skirt and high heels. I noticed her eyes were a sharp shade of green. Carl spoke, "Jimbo this is Malerie, Malerie this is Jim, or as I call him Jimbo." carl laughed as Malerie extended her hand for a handshake. I shook her hand and it felt firm, warm, real. I glanced down at her legs that were showing past her mini skirt and then looked up again, Malerie was looking right into my eyes and I think she knew what I just did, so I blushed a little.

Carl spoke to the two of us, "Now Jimbo if you'd be so kind as to led Malerie to your car and drive home the testing can begin." I nodded and said to Malerie, "If you'll follow me." She smiled and followed me into the car. While I was driving I thought what I was supposed to do during the work week. So I asked her. She answered in what I thought was a very beautiful voice, "I will come to work with you and pose as another new employee."

I was getting uncomfortable she would stare at me for long peroids of time. After what seemed like forever we finally got to my house. She followed me into my living room where I ploped down on the couch. Malerie sat beside me and crossed her legs. I grabbed what I thought was the TV remote and pressed what I thought was the "ON" button. Malerie instantly went sort of stiff and her eyes closed. I looked at the remote I had pressed "OFF" on her remote. "Crap" I said out loud and I fumbled to press "ON" again. I watched Malerie open her eyes. I said apologeticly, "I'm so sorry, that was my bad." Malerie answered, "Don't worry its fine. I'm ok and your ok, that's all that matters." I made sure I had the correct remote and turned on the TV. I was watching the discovery channel's "Dirtiest Jobs" when Malerie asked, "What are you going to do after your through watching TV?"

I was a little startled by her question but I replied, "I was probabley going to get something to eat...why do you ask?" Malerie said, "I asked becaused I'm getting bored. Would you like to do something else?" "Umm yeah, sure. What do you want to do?" I asked. "Well this suit jacket is itchy on my skin, do you mind if I take it off?" Malerie half-asked me. I blushed again and answered, "No go ahead." Malerie removed her suit jacket to reveal and a sleevless black undershirt that showed some of her cleavage. I looked at her beauty for a awhile and looked down at my coffee table there was in old piece of paper on it I'd been meaning to throw away so I crumbled it up and I throw at the waste basket. I missed and Malerie said, "Oh, let me get that for you." she bent over and I saw more of her legs I felt a mighty strong erge to go over there and do her but I remembered Carl saying she's not a sex toy.

So I went over to her asked, "Malerie please don't take this the wrong way but, I find you very attractive and I would like to know if you would like to have sex with me." Malerie replied surprisingly gently, "I'm sorry Jim but we can't. I don't have the ablitiy to perform sexual activities, Carl unintalled them right before he introduced me to you."

That jealous bastard I thought. My granfather clock chimed 9. It was getting a little late I was hungry. I asked Malerie, "Can you cook for me?" "I'd be happy to Jim." she replied. 20 minutes later she placed a hot chicken sandwich infront of me on the table with a tall class of Coca-Cola. I thanked Malerie and happily ate my meal. It tasted very good. I was ready to go to bed when I thought were would she sleep? I asked her that question and told me that she doesn't sleep. I was a little angry because I was kind of looking forward to having lie next to me. Then it hit me. I asked Malerie if she would follow me to my bedroom just so she would now where I would be. She agreed and stepped into my bedroom. She spoke to me, "Ok, well I'll just be out in the-" she stopped in mid-sentence, I knew why because I had just pressed the off button on her control. I had a nice night with Malerie beside me in bed, in my embrace.

Act 3

I woke up the next morning, Sunday morning, feeling kind of sick. Before I reactivated Malerie I got dressed for church. While I was sitting on my bed putting on my shoes I puked. It was gross, it went everywhere, on the bed, on my clothes, even on Malerie. I was pretty pissed about getting the puke everywhere and I still didn't feel to good. I changed into some new clothes and threw the blankets and my old clothes down the laundry shoot. I got a damp paper towel and attempted to clean Malerie. The puke was on her legs, for the first time in my life I enjoyed cleaning up puke.

I pressed the "on" button and Malerie sat up on the bed. "My internal clock says nine hours have passed, what were you doing during those hours?" Malerie asked me.

I was a little shy now but I noticed the time, we needed to get going so I lied, "Nothing, nothing...Say how would you like to go to Church with me?"

"Sure Jim. Let's go." She answered as if she had forgotten about my questionable response.

She couldn't go to Church in what she had on so I had her but her suit jacket back on, and I went and fetched some old jeans and a belt. (My pants were to big for her without one.) I asked her to change into the pants and she did. She had her back to me as she took off her shoes, and then quickly removed her mini skirt. She had white frilly panties on, I'll always remember that image of her...Then she slowly put the pants and belt on.

I didn't want to go to my regular church because I didn't want to explain everything or make some crap up. So I went to a different church. We sat in the back row, unfortunaly the service was already in progress so we got more attention than we needed. This church must have started a lot early because a few minutes later, we sang the closing hymn. To my surprise Malerie had an awe-inspiring singing voice. I was kind of stunned and so were the people in the pew infront of us. I then noticed the Crucifix hanging on the wall, I didn't know this was a Catholic church, but it didn't really matter. I decied to go confession, to see what it was like. I told father of how I still couldn't get the bookcase at Carl's office out of my mind. He told me I should just go check it out. I was planning to on Monday anyway. I did the same thing with Malerie as I did with her Saturday night and awoke to face the new work week's challenges.

I woke up on Monday morning wondering what position Malerie would take at the office. I told she could slip back into the mini skirt I watched again. As soon as I walked into the office Malerie informed me that Jim had told her that her "job" at the office was to be my personal assisstant. It was the easiest work day of my life, she did all of the work, (at a faster pace too), and got me re-fills of coffee. I was sitting there enjoying the marvels of Technology when the bookshelf entered my mind again. I said boldy outloud, "That's it! Malerie, me and you are going to visit Carl's work space." She simply nodded and followed me. She got looks from all of my co-workers one even whistled at her.

We got to the bookshelf and franticly started throwing books off until, like I thought it would, it opened to reveal another large room just like in Carl's house. Malerie followed me inside the the room, her heels clicking on the floor was the only noise. I saw seven bodys on metal tables up ahead. I looked at them, I knew these people, from somewhere...Then I realized these were the Corparate executives for our company. I couldn't think why Carl would want robots of them until I sickenly remembered him saying, "Don't worry jimbo, I haven't killed anybody yet."

I thought outloud, "So he's going to try and kill the excutives and replace them with robots he controls...that would...that would give him complete control of the company, he could do anything he wanted, but how is he going to kill them?"

"How is standing right beside you in the miniskirt." Carl said

I jumped when I heard he's voice and I realized he overheard me, "Carl, I was just..." Carl cut me off and said, "It's alright Jimbo, I was planning on telling you anyway. You see with complete control of this company I would get my idea of marketing these robots passed with no problems at all. Allow me to demenstrate how the excutives are going to meet there untimely end."

Carl pulled out a larger remote than I had out of his pocket and pressed a button. Malerie stiffened up a bit, her eyes looked vacant and she said in a monotone voice, "Assassination mode engaged."

Carl yelled, "Nora! Nora come here!" I was didn't know what was going on, I half-expected another robot to come to Carl's call but I saw a small gray kitten run up and rub againest Carl's pantleg. "Malerie please cradle Nora in your arm." Carl asked Malerie.

Malerie did as he asked, still with no expression on her face. "Now, please extinguish the biological life in Nora." Carl again asked Malerie

Malerie placed her hand gently on Nora head it purred slighty, then there was bright flash of light and the smell of brunt fur filled the area. "Elctrocution, Jimbo." Carl laughed. "You monster!" I yelled at Carl, "How could you do that do a freakin' kitten?!" Carl frowned at my yelling and answered my question, "Relax Jimbo, all life is replacable." He yelled for Nora and another kitten came, except it had a metal underbelly, it was a robot too.

"And don't worry about Malerie after this week you can have her back...and I'll even give her sexual functions. I just need her to assassinate the excutives first that's all." Carl explained to me.

The way he said it so causally made me so mad. "Why don't I just go to the police right now?"

"The Police aren't going to believe that a robot is going to go kill all the excutives." Carl laughed at me.

To be honest I had nearly forgotten Malerie was a robot. He was right the cops couldn't help me. "Malerie will still be the same after this, except with Sexual features of course. She won't remember any of this or the nights to follow, so, why don't you just try not to think about it." Carl again tried to convince me that everything was ok.

"Fine" I said. I left the room and went home. I didn't care what happened to Malerie anymore. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I came into work late the next day, 5 hours late to be exact. Malerie was sitting behind my desk, typing away. She looked up and said, "Sorry I wasn't home last night Jim, Carl said he wanted to show me something then I was reactivated here at eight in the morning, I'm not sure what happened."

I almost left for home right there but I stayed, I knew what happened last night, she had brutally elctrocuted one of the excutives. When it was closing time Malerie and I were walking out together when, over the intercom, Carl's voice said, "Excuse me, this is Big Carl speaking would Malerie please report to my office?"

"What could Carl want again? Well I'll see you at home later I guess." she said and turned to walk down the hallway. I thought to myself, "No you won't" and left for home.

Act 4

I went home that night and used all of my brain power to try and come up with a plan to stop Malerie. I thought of the remote I had, it was simply go to the executive’s house and turn Malerie off. But which house? There was no way to tell which order she was going to assassinate. I looked at the time I had been home for only 15 minutes. I sprinted to my car and floored it, heading towards the workplace. I had a plan, I was going to stop her before she killed anyone else.

I reached my workplace after several near car-crashes. I ran to Carl’s office and flung open the door. There was Malerie standing with her back towards me, in that purple skin-tight outfit. She had a panel on her lower back that was hanging open and I saw some lights blinking. Then Carl came from out of the room behind the bookcase, he had a women with him she looked familiar.

“Jimbo? What are you doing here so late?” Carl asked me when he spotted me.

While I was trying to think of an answer I realized who the women was, it was Carl’s wife, Maple. Her figure was no where near Malerie’s but she still was pretty. I noticed he was wearing the same purple outfit. No, no he wouldn’t have….I thought to myself.

“Well never mind Jimbo. I’m sure you’ve heard of my wife, Maple haven’t you?” Carl asked again.

“What have you done to her?” I asked Carl, with a twinge of disgust in my voice.

“I did her a favor. I remade her into my vision of her. I disposed of her biological form and gave her new life in her new, better and servant mechanical form.” Carl said and laughed

“She was your wife!” I yelled at Carl

“Yes. Yes she was, and now she my wife and perfect sex/slave.” Carl said and laughed again.

“How can you have such unfeeling for real, human life?” I yelled angrily

“Because Jimbo….I’m not human. I never was. I guess I should tell you the story right now. This Corporation is actually owned by a group of the best scientists, engineers, and computer programmers in the world. They want to dispose of all the human employees, and replace them with robots so they can own the fastest and most productive Corporation ever!” Jimbo revealed to me.

“That’ll be enough Carl.” A voice said.

I turned to see a beautiful young woman with sun-kissed skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes, who couldn’t be older than 18 walking towards me. All she had on was a lavender bikini and black high-heels. I saw Carl and his wife kneel as she walked pass. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Carl. I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Cassandra. I’m the real head of this corporation. “ Cassandra informed me.

“You are?” I asked very puzzled.

“Yes. I know it’s hard to believe but, I got myself rebuilt as this sexy 18-year old so no one would suspect me.” Cassandra said as she walked over towards Malerie.

Cassandra shut Malerie’s back-panel and then kissed her on the lips. Malerie instantly came to life and cheered, “Mistress!!! I’m so happy to see you! What should we do first?”

“Easy, Mal.” Cassandra said and then looked at me and continued, “You see Jim, your Malerie has three personalities. Carl’s assassin, your roommate, and my sexual little plaything.”

“Who’s Jim?” Malerie asked Cassandra.

Cassandra laughed out loud before saying, “Alright let’s just get this over with, Jim, you’re a nice guy but I’m sorry to say but you’ll be disposed of and rebuilt as generic robotic employee #210007869574…..Now,….Malerie enter assassination mode.”

Malerie stiffened up a bit and I saw an electric blueish-white glow around her hands. She walked towards me, her arms extended, I quickly pulled out my remote and pressed off. Malerie slumped over.

“What?!?!??!!??” screamed Cassandra “Carl, Maple, enter assassination mode!”

Carl and Maple instantly ran towards me. I didn’t know what to do I panicked and my finger hit the on button on Malerie’s remote. Malerie saw what was going on and jumped in front of me to get electrocuted. There was a huge explosion. The smoke finally cleared after about 4 minutes. There where robotic body parts everywhere. Malerie’s hand was right by my foot. I ran to my car and drove myself home.

I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. An hour later my doorbell rang. I answered it to see three very tall and very threatening looking men in black suits and sunglasses. “Jim McPherson. As a reward for removing one of the biggest threats to the United States of America, The President would like to thank you with these gifts that have been rebuilt.” One of the suited men said.

Then in walked Malerie, Cassandra and Maple, all wearing generic jeans and T-shirts. I was shocked while another one of the suited men spoke, “Of course the President or any other member of the government will deny any of your claims about this.” They quickly left.

I turned to the three robotic beauties. “Hello, Jim.” They all said at once. “Hello ladies” I replied. “Let’s go have a four-way.”

They all smiled and nodded there heads and followed me into the bedroom.

THE END


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