|On this Episode of Crush-Lab, we're testing the myth that a virus can actually cause a gynoid to explode. Your hosts as usual are Bill Mayans, a former explosives expert from U.M.P.D., Eric Smithson, a special effects designer from Northwood in the R. of C., and Amy Rae, a physical systems analyst masters from the Greater Eastern Technical College.|
The camera swings over to show a cluttered area full of half salvaged contraptions. Bill, a short 30-something caucasion with a scruffy beard stands there in a lose white shird in the hawaiian style, holding a letter. Amy steps into the picture, and says, "Hey. so what do we get to blow up today?"
Amy is a 5'10" black-haired girl with a cute face. Trim, almost petite for her size, wearing a dark shirt and jacket that hints at her large B or small C cup chest, and tight pants that closely hug her broad hips and well-toned rear and thighs.
"Well, heh heh, our viewers sent us a really good one this time. Apparently, there was a case in Pennsilvania where a receptionist gynoid was infected by a virus that caused the power supply to overheat, and she actually exploded", replies Bill cheerfully. Like everyone in Crush-Lab, he enjoys his job.
"That doesn't seem likely, " comes a voice from off camera, which zooms out to bring Eric into view. Only slightly older than Bill, he seems much more so due to his almost white bleached-blond hair and deep assured voice. "Viruses work at the software level. To cause a fire, it would have to physically cause a short, wouldn't it?"
"Well, the thing that's cool about this myth is that we can test it so easily," Amy says, and Bill agrees, "Right. Lets buy a reciptionist, hit it with a virus, and see what happens."
Bill walks over, and nods. "Well, allright!"
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New high-protien dog-food *bzzt*
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|We rejoin Bill at Qwerties, home of Roger Willham, a local expert who has helped the Crash-lab team with several high-tech mythes in the past. |
"We're testing out the myth that a gynoid once got a virus, and it actually exploded. Have you heard anything about that?"
Roger, the man behind the counter, just grins and shakes his head. "No, I can't say that I have. Robots these days have all kinds of safeguards built into them. The only thing volitile in a robot is a battery, and they have their own set of controls regulating current. I can't off the top of my head see how that would happen."
The camera flashes to a close-up of Bill. "It just so happens that Roger has a unit of the same model that the myth said exploded." The camera then flips to show a mannikin wrapped in plastic, only a bald head sticking out of the top.
|So, a small cash payment and 120 miles later, the crew has the robot back at the lab. Making viruses isn't their strong spot, so they've brought in Alan Jay, a "white hat" at an information security firm, who actually prefers to be known as "the krusher". With a K. He should fit right in.|
The camera switches to show Eric pulling the last of the plastic off the the robot, revealing a featureless torso quite similar to an oversized barbie-doll. "It's not much to look at, is it?"
Amy: No... it needs a wig or something.
Bill: Actually, it doesn't look too bad. I've been reading up one these models, and they really were groundbreaking. It was one of the first to actually have sensors in the skin that let it know when and where you are touching it.
Eric just looks at Bill for a moment, then says, "I'm sure you have much better ones at home."
Amy reached down and poked it's plastic chest. "I wonder what it does if you touch it's boobies?"
|Erotic inuento aside, the team brings the robot out to the testing range, where the Crash-lab crew have put together a mock-up office. As an added touch, they even fit it with a wig. And that's when the team finds out they may not have been thinking erotic enough.|
Amy finishes pulling a jacket over the shoulders of the bot, which now does look like much more like a pretty receptionist. It's Barbie-breasts look much better under a tight white shirt framed by a short jacket, and its legs now appear shapely in hose, coming up to a short mini-skirt. Eric finishes attaching a data cable to an open panel on it's back. "Now, we have this data cable that will allow us to upload the virus from a safe distance, and in order to achieve a realistic load we've given it a series of digital phones to loop though."
The camera flips to Bill and Alan Jay. "So Krusher, I can't imagine just any data-snatching virus will work. What we need to do is overload it somehow. Since the key to this myth is to have a massive drain on the batteries, we should try the motive system first. What have you got for us?"
Krusher opens his suitcase, revealing a sophisticated looking laptop, and plugs the cable Amy hands him into it. "Normally, a bot's control system keeps the voltage to its motors constant. However, for heavy pulls, the system can boost the voltage. I happen to have a virus that can target that voltage control system."
Bill gives the thumbs up. "Alright, let's do it."
|So as the robot secretary goes through it's list of chores, Alan, or "Krusher", goes to work uploading the virus. At first, nothing much happens. And then, nothing much happens.|
Standing behind a blast shield, Bill and Eric, Alan, and Amy stand waiting.
Eric: "It's not really doing anything."
Suddenly, as the robot reachers for the telephone, a bunch of sparks burst out from it's shoulder seem, and the shoulder drops. The robot looks down at it's limp shoulder and "frowns", in the sense that it's eyebrows drop. "That's inconvenient, " it says, then reaches for the phone with its other arm. Dialing out, Eric's digital phone rings. While Eric answers the receptionist-bot's call, the others discuss what to do.
"That wasn't an explosion at all. Just "pfsheeee". Amy says, pantamiming the "pfsheee"
Bill says, "Yeah, more like a fuse going. Alan, what happened?"
Alan finishes tapping away at his laptop, then turns to the camera, and says "The problem is as the voltage in the motor power control raised, other systems drew power or isolated to compensate. Rather than a cascade failure, it just discharged through the first motor to go after it reached the threshold. These things are designed to prohibit the very type of catestrophic failure that you're trying to engineer."
The camera shows a disappointed Bill and Amy, while Eric leaves to go check out the gynoid.
|It's been a long day, and so, tired and depressed, after shutting down the robot for the night, the team decide to take a break.|
Do you work hard? Are you tired of coming home late and getting that same old line from the most expensive computer in your house? -Camera shows a grumpy looking guy laying in bed with a girl in a nightgown who otherwise looks faintly similar to the maid girl from before.- "Not tonight..." she mumbles, turning over and pulling a pillow on her head. Well wait no longer for Magnavox's Sensual Suite 3. This Node 3 software will change things around in flash, and she'll be appreciative too! -Camera shows the two kissing in bed. Both of them turn to the camera- "Thank you, Magnavox!". Guaranteed to install on all major systems or your money back. -The Camera focuses in on the girl's large shifting chest as fine print appears on the bottom of the screen- Warning, use on turing class AI's illegal in most states. Results vary with unit capability. No guarantee on effectiveness.
Tired of just getting to like your pet before it dies? Now *kkkht*
If you like me are a *zzkgt*
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Welcome back to Crash Lab. After a long night of tinkering in his lab, "Krasher" may be on to something.
Amy, today dressed in a tank-top (definitely a C), a jacket, and sawed-off shorts: Hey, I heard you had something for us.
Alan: Actually, I do!
Bill: Well that's great! Lay it on us.
Alan: The problem we had yesterday was that not enough of the system was affected at once, and so even though we upped the volage, nothing dramatic happened.
Amy: Right, multiple compesatory redundancies.
Eric: So what is your plan?
Alan: It just so happened that a little guy of a type we call an evasive polyphasic worm came across my desk the other day. I think it should do the trick. It's a high-tech varient of the Robin-hood and Little John virus. This thing is like 5 viruses in one. It will exploit any hole it can find and spread, each not alone, but in conjuction with the other 4. It takes a systemic attack to a systemic defense.
|And so the team is back on track. But it turns out there's a catch. The current placement of the control cable won't do.|
The camera pans on Alan, saying "In order to get a foothold, the virus needs access to a number of systems at the start. The ideal point of entry is the sexual response system, the core of Node 3. It's a system connected to many others, and already designed to override certain other responses."
Bill: So, you're saying the way to a Gynoid's heart is through it's
|... critical areas|
Amy: But wait, this thing is essentially a giant Barbie doll. It doesn't have that kind of system, does it?
Alan: Modern system structure wouldn't function if there isn't one. Even this secretary will have a stub we can exploit.
|And so they do. The pants and panel come off, and the boys leave Ami to do the dirty work|
*camera shows Alan and Bill playing quake on Alan's laptop*
|But then they're finally ready to make another attempt|
Alan: Already, ready?
Eric: Everyone beyind the plexiglass.
Alan: Okay, three, two one,
The camera flips to the inside of the faux office, where the receptionist bot is reading through the list of chores again. It starts to put down the sheet with it's good arm, when suddenly it jerks to a halt. It blinks twice, and the camera inside picks up as it says "Uh! Wha.. what?" it's voice distant and drunk sounding. "What as I doing? Oh, yeah, I have to call... uh... have to call... uh... have to ...", and it shudders to a halt a gain. It drops the piece of paper, and touches it's hand to it's miniskirt. "Oh.. what's that warmth?" It cups it's crotch for a moment, then it reaches up and grabs it's breast. "I need.. have to... what? What do I have to do?" A faint crackling sound can be heard, and a little bit of smoke drifts from under it's miniskirt. "have to... to call... call... call..."
|The robot seems like it's going to suffer a major breakdown, but even after 10 minutes, the team hasn't seen what it wanted to see|
Alan: Well, the virus is making progress... its just causing a slow and steady burnout of systems. It's stub just wasn't powerful enough to infect enough systems at once. It's actually failing quite gracefully.
"Call... call... call."
Amy cocks her head over slightly, "Looks like it managed to finally make the call. Can it still say anything?" She pauses for a moment, then shakes her head. "Nope, nothing intelligible," she says, as the stands on tiptoe to see over the taller people in front. "That was a pretty potent virus. It sounds like there's no truth to this myth after al... oh!"
Suddenly, Ami crossed her hands over her crotch and pressed her legs together tightly. The others looked at her curiously, but she waved them off, blushing, "Uh, it's nothing. Guess I just really wanted this myth to oooh! work!"
The others looked on in shock as she clasped a hand to her crotch. "Ahh, it's so hot! Wha.. what's happening?". Her other hand wormed its way into her tight sawed off shorts, and began furiously working.
"Ahh... ahhhh, I can't, ahhh, seem to stop!" she gasps, falling forward to lean on the plexiglass shield. Her other hand lifted up in slow jergy steps to her chest, where she starts playing with her breasts. "I... I've never felt anything, ahhhhhhhhhh!... anything like this... before... I can't.... ahhh.... won't.... it's.... it's it's it's..."
Krasher gasps, "She's a gynoid too.. and she's been infected!"
Bill looks befuddled, then snaps out, "stop the virus, then!"
Krasher steps back, reaches for his laptop, then takes a deep breath of air. Slowly, he snaps the lid shut. "I'm sorry, but I can't. If I connect my hardware to her, it will likely be infected too, and this is company property. The worm is polyphasic, and her processing power is many times what I have available to defend with. I'm sorry, but ..."
Amy gasps out, "This... is so... weird.... ah... I'm.. still... me... but..just... justcan't... stop.... it... feels so.... so incredible... sooo hoootttt"
As her last word slurs, a blast of sparts blows out from her lower belly, crisping off the front of her sawed off shorts. Hundreds of leds appear in the blackened chavity that can be seen, blinking wildly. Occasionally a spark will leap from one component to another, and a few of the leds around it will go dark.
Amy slumps around to lean against the plexiglass: "Ah!... no! Ahhh! Too strong! I'm gonna... gonna! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". Suddenly, Amy spasms as a huge cacephony of sparks fly back and forth across her third node. Hey back arches sharply as another fly through, and another. As her body shudders and shakes, she cries out sharply with each one "Ohh! I'm fading! I'm fading! Don't wanna.. don't wanna lose this! Gotta foc... gotta fo... gotta... foooooo"
with a last couple of pops from her belly region, Amy finally slumps down to the ground, her face tilted to the side frozen.
Eric scratches his head, then turns to the shocked bill and says, "Now that, was an explosion."