Fembots In History: Queen Isabella
Harry: Hey Cricket, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
Cricket: Well, here we go again folks.
Harry: (riiiiiiiippp) Nothing up my sleeve........Presto!!
(Gee Whiz....It's Fection's Candy)
Candy: (giggle) Don't you just love my boobs??
Harry: Wow!! Don't know my own strength!
Cricket: Uhhh huh.......just........put her back .....now please
And now here's something we hope you'll really like!
Hello everyone. Cricket here with the Wayback Machine as we go back in time to meet the some of the early gynoids and wind-up women throught history......and YOU though it was all science fiction. Silly Humans!! Now unfortunetly, whiz-kid Sherman is still in rehab at the Jay Ward clinic, so helping me out is our own little cutie, four-year old April Stevens.
April: Mommy say we not back by 9, we gwounded fow whole month.
Hehehe.......isn't she adorable. Well April, let's go shamelessly re-write history all the the sake of delivering a really lame pun at the end. Set the Wayback Machine for September, 1492.
April: How comes?
We're going to sunny Spain to meet pretty Queen Isabella
April: Ooooooooooo pwetty Queen....okies hewe we goes.
Soon we were near Queen Isabella's castle, and I knew to find the Queen in 1492, the person to look for was none other than famous explorer Christopher Columbus, and as luck would have it, there he was knocking on a door......delivering a pizza????
Columbus: (knock knock) Hey, Flat-a-Earth Pizza. That's-a-one-a-Doomsday a-special, hold-a-the anchoives. 10-a-gold-pieces please.
Irate Customer: Hey!!! Not-a-so fast!! My half-hour glass run out two minutes ago!! I'm a no paying!!!
And with that the pizza was snatched from Columbus' hands!! (Slam!)
(Columbus sits on the curb and starts to cry)
April: Gee Mister Cowumbus, what wong??
Columbus: (looking up at Cricket and April) Ahhh, she's a some-a-bust!
Cricket: Well, I'm only an a-cup really, but thanks (Rimshot)
Columbus: Ah, what do you talk about? I'm mean my pizza business. She's-a-the bust. I'm-a-no-good.
April: Gee Mister Cowumbus, me thought you was gweat explower.
Columbus: Yeah...was!! But it-a-pay nothing. And EVERYBODY say there's-a-nothing to explore cause-a-the-world, she's-a-flat.
April: No, wold is wound
Columbus: Hehehe......you-a-cute kid but everyboy know (he shouts for all to here) THE WORLD SHE'S-A-FLAT LIKE-THE-PIZZA PIE!!
April: No, wold is wound like me bouncy ball (she bounces it) See??
Just then, a group of solders decended upon us, spears pointed in our direction
Solder: So, Chistopher Columbus, you-a-still spread that crazy 'worls-is-round' talk. Well, this-a-time we put you and-a-your gang in-a-jail.
And before we could say 'do not pass go', there were were, in the castle dungeon. (Clang)
April: What we do now, Miss Cwicket??
We get out of here and find the secret passage to the Queen's Chambers before this story gets tossed to the Off Topic section!
I borrowed April's bouncy ball, and called the guard over.
Guard: Ah, what do you want??
I'll wager you my friends and I can break out of this cell with this mere ball!!
Guard: AHAHAHAHAHAAHA!! That's-a-some good joke!! You break outta here with-a-the childs-a plaything.
Is it a bet?
Guard: Ah...sure, sure......Now's let's see you do it.
I measured the distance I would need, wound up for the throw, and gave it all I had!! The ball went through the call bars, hitting the back wall, richocheting up on the celling, going out a small window, bouncing off the far castle tower oytside, coming back down into the dungeon, hitting the guard at the hip, knocking the keys off him and into the air. Just he he was about to grab the keys , the ball came back into our cell, hit the wall, then hit the guard right in the back of the neck knocking him out!! I reached out and grabbed the keys just as they were falling to the ground.
I unlocked the cell door, we made our way out of the dungeon and finally into the chambers of Queen Isabella herself. She was sitting her her throne lokking very regal, but not moving, net even saying hello are calling to have us tossed out.
April: Pwetty Queen no move Miss Cwicket.
I soon found out why. Someone had forgotten to wind her up. So, I did it myself. At least I tried. The key seemed very rusty and hand to move.
Isabella: IT ISSSSSSS NOOOOOO USE I'M A-FRAID KIND ST-ER-AN-GERS. MMMMYYYYY K-K-KEYYYY ANDDDDD G-G-G-EAR-SSSSSS ARRRRRRREEEE TOOOOO RUST-UST-YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I-I-I-MMMMM ALLLLLLLREDDDDDYYYYYY WI-WI-ND-ING DOOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
April: Poor pwetty Queen
Suddenly a very sad little man appeared. I regognized him as none other than King Ferdinad.
Ferdinad: My poor Isabella.....my masterpeice.
You mean to say you built her??
Ferdinad: Yes. I was-so-a-lonely. And the people they needed a beautiful queen. But now, she's so a rus-ty....she need-a-oil so bad. And we in-a shortage!!.
As luck would have it, I had two cans of my own special oil in my backpack I was more than happy to give to Her Majesty. I used all my strength to move the rusty key enough she she could open her mouth. And after making sure she got a few good glups and then oiling the key myself, King Ferdiand wound it up as far as it would go!
Isabella: OOOOOOOOOO THANK-YOU-MY-CHILD. I-AM-A-GREATFUL-TO-YOU-FOREVER.
Oh don't thank me Your Majesty. This is Christopher Columbus, and he knows where there's lots of oil for Your Majesty's needs. And all her requires are three ships and money for supplies to go get it.
Ferdinad: You can a do this?? You can-a-get my Queen all-a-the oil she needs??
Columbus: Ahhhh (he looks at Cricket and winks and says "trust me") Sure sure....ooodles and oodles of the stuff, just ah-on the other side of the world. I know for a fact the earth.......she-a-round.....like a-the bouncy ball.
Not really Your Majesty. You see the Earth spins around like your key spins around. And Mr. Columbus will prove that.
Then he falls off the edge of the earth and you never see him again.
Ferdinad: You got-a-the deal!
A short time later, Christopher Columbus had his three ships and off to bring back more oil for the queen.
April: Now Mister Cowumbus be famous.
Yes April, and just think he'll be the first man to ever get nineteen hundred miles.......on a galleon