Thaddeus McNasty and the Marvelous Contrivance

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I was talking to a friend about tests for sleep apnea, and recalling how I had taken home a device to test for the condition myself. (I failed.)

Then I got to thinking and decided to write this very short story. Here is some mood music.


“Dr. Thaddeus McNasty will see you now.” she said.

That receptionist was obviously an android. Rather nicely built in her business skirt and jacket.

Roger, of course, had been eying her the whole time he had been waiting. Her faceplate was quite attractive, even without makeup and with her rather gaudy glasses. He wondered if it was removable.

He got up and walked past the reception desk and into Dr. McNasty’s office.

“Come, come in!” bellowed a boisterous voice.

Dr. McNasty was leaning back on his plush high-back leather chair, his feet on his desk. His hands were folded and resting on his crisp clean white smock, and he held Roger’s gaze with his piercing, somewhat crazy brown eyes.

His slicked back hair, neat pencil mustache, thick black horn-rimmed glasses, and standard issue head mirror completed the doctorly look.

“Sit! Do sit down!” he beckoned as Roger did just that,

“Roger! Good to see you!”

“Nice to see you again too, Dr. McNasty.”

“We must dispense with these formalities… Call me Thaddeus.”

“Okay.”

Thaddeus hurriedly pulled his legs off the desk and leaned forward. Its motion and quickness was startling. He fixed Roger again with that piercing gaze.

“Sleep Apnea!”

“Uh…”

“Now that! That, my boy is the monster we hunt!”

Moving just as suddenly, the doctor pulled himself back and retrieved something from behind and underneath his desk. He plopped it onto the desk between them.

“Do you know what this is?”

“It’s…”

“This is a device!”

“Um…”

“A device that measures one’s vitals and particulars to allow for a diagnosis of Sleep Apnea! And quite a useful device it is, but I think in your case, it won’t provide the certainty we need. No, in your case, we need a better device.”

There was a moment of silence - an awkward stare between the rather unhinged doctor and his patient as something more needed to be said.

Thaddeus continued: “And what sort of device, I hear you say? Why, allow me to show you the very latest in Sleep Apnea diagnosis technology!”

Thaddeus turned his attention to the telephone and intercom box on his desk. He circled his finger around the buttons a few times in a grand gesture before aiming and directing it down upon one of them.

“Angelica!” he said.

“Yes Dr. McNasty?” the receptionist’s voice replied.

“Send in… The Device!”

“Yes Dr. McNasty.”

Thaddeus leaned forward to Roger and smiled. His sharp grin bared his perfectly clean white teeth as he looked from his patient, to the door, and back again.

The door opened, and in walked another woman. She was quite obviously a robot, and very pretty too. And the black satin lingerie and heels outfit she was wearing only served to enhance her beauty.

“Now this…” said Thaddeus, “this is a Sleep Apnea diagnosis device!”

Roger looked at the robot woman as she mechanically came to a halt and stood at attention. She stared out blankly at nothing as his jaw dropped.

She had beautiful big brown eyes, a pretty feminine faceplate, and a cute pixie haircut. She had a slim figure and that perfect kind of posture that only androids had. The robot appeared to have been built for much more than medical diagnosing.

Thaddeus rose from his chair and all but danced over to the statuesque beauty. “All of the technology and instrumentation that is present in side that little box over there has been replicated inside this far more effective device!”

He reached up to the artificial woman’s face and held onto it, grasping it firmly and then taking it off completely. The robot woman beeped a few times as the electronic insides of her head were now exposed. Instead of a face, she now showed a thoroughly inhuman display of circuitry, wiring, blinking lights and other computer components.

“She is a marvelous contrivance!” Thaddeus exclaimed.

“So… how do I… use her?” Roger asked.

“Sleep with her! This robot is automatic! This robot is systematic! It will do everything behind the scenes, and record all of the data it needs to record. It truly is remarkable!”

Then the android woman spoke: “I am prototype maskatron robot CE80952. Namefile variable designation: Carrie.”

“I am afraid she is not much for conversation.” Thaddeus admitted.

“That’s alright with me!” Roger said.

“You need to use this device for at least one night, but I would prefer if you used it for a week.”

“I can do that!”

“Superb!” Thaddeus exclaimed. He reached out again and fastened the fembot’s faceplate back onto the front of her plastic head. “Angelical will give you the robot’s overcoat - for transport purposes. If you have questions… ask the robot!”

“Will do!”

“Make an appointment with Angelica to see me in one week hence!”

“Sure thing doctor! Come on Carrie, let’s go.”

“Yes Master.” the robot responded. She pivoted mechanically and started walking rhythmically to follow Roger out of the office.

Dr. McNasty smiled his sharp grin again as he watched them leave. His head began to nod up and down, more and more noticeable, and more and more intense as the patient and the robot went on their way.


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