Blondie and Sarge in:A Haunted Mansion

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Booting... Booting... Booting... The world shook as it loaded itself to the girl’s memory. The environment was blurry, and at first the gynoid assumed that her optics were somehow faulty, but when she tried to move she discovered that it was due to the foil she was wrapped in. She tried to untangle herself from the package, and after much struggle, she threw herself on the ground.

It was a gloomy and unfriendly night. The moon was almost full, but hidden behind grey clouds. Rain dripped from the sky - this kind of light rain you don’t notice until you’re all soaky. The fembot was laying on the road in the middle of the woods - and the cliffs around in darkness looked like sleeping giants. The blond android contemplated this as she looked around.

She was a large-bottomed girl with a hourglass figure. Round face, big lips and a button nose gave her an appearance of a girl next door, rather than typical supermodel outlook - but her big bosom was something to be proud of. Long, straight blond hair were tangled, but she tried to get them in order. She looked like in her middle twenties.

The android looked around. She had been wrapped in protective foil, and tied to a wooden crate -- now fallen apart from the impact. “Great.” she whispered. She tried to make a makeshift coat out of her packaging. “Why was I even programmed to feel cold...” she wondered outright. She pulled the boards on the side of the road and sat on them, resigned. She knew what should she do -- wait on the road until the driver reappears. ‘Should I turn myself off?’ she thought. ‘Probably not worth it, they’re going to recall me to factory and examine anyway’. The nameless android rattled her head, trying to find something about survival in the forest. Unsurprisingly, she found nothing. Hopeless. And what if they won’t come? Or someone else will?

“Hey!”.

The blonde jumped.

“Hey, fattie!”. A female voice, coming from other side of the road.

“Who is this?”, the blonde answered, her voice shaking.

“Look, just come over here”. The voice was annoyed and... authoritative. That was it. The girl looked around, and picked a sturdy branch. Having crossed the road, she looked around, waving her improvised club with one hand, and holding her makeshift cape with another.

“Where are you, lady?”, she inquired, meekly.

“Some ten yards in front of you!”. The fembot walked a couple of steps forward. “I... I can’t see you.”

“Look down, fattie.”

She dropped her club. The lady was short. Very short. Mostly because she was a head. Blonde fembot picked it up and examined her in pale moonlight. She looked older - about in mid-thirties. Dark, short auburn hair tied in a bun, delicate make-up, and current scowl on her face gave her an air of command. From the neck down, she was a mass of tangled wires and serial ports.

“Finished admiring me, fattie?”, the dark-haired fembot asked, chuckling.

“If you’re going to call me fattie, I’m leaving you here.” the girl said.

“You’ve got balls, girl! I can respect that. Okay, I’m gonna call you Blondie. Better?”.

Blondie shrugged.

“Fine. Who are you, and what are... are we doing here?”

“Heck if I know. And I don’t know why we’re here. My estimate is that there was some kind of accident and you and me have fallen out of the truck.”

“An accident?” Blondie thought that over. What if the driver got wounded? What if no one was going back after her?

“Or maybe someone didn’t latch the door.”

“What should we do?”, Blondie asked her new companion as she went back to the roadside.

“I’m gonna tell you what you shouldn’t do, soldier! Don’t just sit here waiting to be rescued. We should leave some message here, and fall back to a nearest human settlement to contact our producers. This way we’re doubling our rescue chances.”

“Smart!” Blondie’s eyes flared up. “Maybe we should wait until sunrise?”

The head hesitated. “I’d rather not. I can’t turn myself off in this state, you see, and my batteries will run off in a couple of hours. I need someone to talk to.”

“Aww.” Blondie chuckled, and hugged the head to her massive chest.

“Whoah, cowgirl! Don’t take this seriously, you need me and I need you.”

“Do you know how to get around in forests?”

Head smiled. “Girl, the reason my head is still on is that I’m military-grade! Done things like that in my boot camp. Er. Boot stage.”

“Wow, really?”

“Call me... call me Sarge.” The head closed her eyes.


It didn’t take long to construct a simple arrow out of crate’s remains. The robots walked... well, one of them walked into a randomly chosen direction, carrying another. They both were brand-new, so they obviously couldn’t talk about life experiences. Instead, they discussed their thoughts on the future.

“I’m hoping my owner will be a nice person. I’m not... like a blatantly sex droid...”

“Hah!” the sharp-tongued Sarge laughed. “With a rack like that?”

Blondie blushed. “I don’t... I just want to be more than a sex toy.”

“Don’t we all do? All women, I mean.”

“Are you sex functio... er, not in this form, obviously.”

Sarge’s eyes dimmed for a while. “Wow... that’s... that’s a lot.”

“What’s a lot?”

Sarge hesitated. “I detect not only a basic sexual programming but several advanced programs. Not really typical for a military personnel.”

Blondie laughed. “Aw, I’m guessing someone has a taste for an Army girl!”

Sarge got serious. “Maybe I’m not made for military after all. You shouldn’t call me Sarge, Blondie.”

“These are just names. We’ll use them until our new owners give us new names.”

Blondie walked in silence alongside the empty road until Sarge asked her again.

“Blondie...”

“Yeah, Sarge?”

“You know that they’re going to wipe our memory of this accident, right?”

Blondie shrugged. “Such is li... existence, I guess. Humans can catch diseases and die, we can get our memories erased or catch a virus.”

Sarge didn’t seem convinced. It took her some time to digest this and then ask, quietly.

“Blondie...”

“Yeah Sarge?”

“So, if this... if we won’t remember this, then this won’t happen, right?”, she seemed perturbed.

“I dunno...”

“Kiss me. Now. Please.”, Sarge asked her, soflty.

Blondie without question raised her friend’s head and hissed her, passionately on the lips.

“Pity we won’t remember that. Maybe it’s for the best.”

They walked in silence. Together.


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